I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
