i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
