I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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