If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
