For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
