do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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