wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
