He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its liver damage thursday
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
