If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
