We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
