youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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