There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
