Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
