I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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