Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
