Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
