No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
