Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
