I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dignity is for republicans.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
