Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
