nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
