He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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