Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
