Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
