I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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