There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
