It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
