8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
