fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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