When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize