do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I could fuck to npr.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
