Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
