Your dad touched me again.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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