I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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