yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
