I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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