yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
