Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
