i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
