I could make wine with my vomit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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