trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
