I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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