i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
