I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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