So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
