Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
