i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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