No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
