I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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