found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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