Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
