Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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