I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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