jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
