but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
