I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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