I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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