we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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