How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize