My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
