508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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