did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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