Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
