Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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