nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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