And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
