Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
