we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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